Questions to ponder...

ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION TOILETS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?

IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

More word plays

I got these recently from a fb friend.  Thanks, Carol! :)


I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

The Dead Church

A new Pastor in a small Illinois town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services.

The following Sunday the church was all but empty. So the Pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.

Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit they saw a closed coffin smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.

Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.

In the coffin, tilted at an angle, was a large mirror.

Clown Ministers

Reasons churches don't ask clown ministers to return:

1. They force people to smile during the 8 am service.

2. It's hard to say with dignity, "The sermon today will be given by Brother Umpa-Doody."

3. Whoopee cushions inevitably appear under pew cushions.

4. Sermons take a lot longer when they are in pantomime.

5. Many denominations do not recognize seltzer water baptism.

6. Dribble glasses are used during the communion service.

7. They have to pay janitors extra to get all of the silly string off the ceiling.

8. The kids pop their balloons during closing prayer.

Q: Who was the only man in the Bible who did not have a father?
A: Joshua the son of Nun.

Q: In what part of the Bible is baseball mentioned?
A: In the big-inning...

Q: Who is the fastest runner in history?
A: Adam, because he was first in the human race.

Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Q: Who was the best actor in the bible?
A: Samson, he brought the house down.

Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A: Ruth-less.

Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Live healthy and live longer

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was all decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the large, beautiful garden that the home backed up to. They could walk in it everyday and each week the garden changed to a new one representing the most beautiful gardens on earth.

The old man asked, "what are the fees to get in?".

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you may walk in it any time for free."

Next they went to a cozy shelter within the garden and saw a lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it's free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best part.  You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

The old man looked at his wife sternly and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your dumb bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

The Christmas pageant

“…work on the 1962 pageant commenced in August of that year with the formation of a Christmas committee and the scheduling of auditions for early September.  Mr. Shelton wanted to provide himself with a half dozen wise men, three or four Josephs and angels, and a couple of Virgin Marys so as to protect against any unforeseen occurrences.  In the latter part of October the reverend organized a building committee which saw to the construction of the stable and baby Jesus’ manger, both of which were made from shipping crates supplied by an appliance store in a shopping center near Draper.  By the middle of November Miss Fay Dull had begun rehearsing the choir, and just after Thanksgiving the ladies from the Tuesday Biblettes set in to making costumes for the wise men out of old chair covers.  The reverend’s schedule provided for two practice runs in December before the actual production on the evening of Sunday the twenty-third, and when Reverend Shelton addressed his congregation on the morning of the sixteenth he told them how the Christmas pageant would be an unforgettable affair.  Momma said it surely was.

The animals normally used in the pageant were kept from year to year in the basement of the fellowship hall.  They were made out of painted plywood and seemed very lifelike if you didn’t look at them anywhere but head-on.  But the reverend didn’t think his pageant was suited for wooden animals; he thought it called for something a little more grand and spectacular.  The Reverend Shelton had actual livestock in mind, livestock which he borrowed from local farmers who agreed to keep quiet about it until after the performance.  He got hold of a half-dozen piglets, a pair of goats, three or four chickens, one goose, and Mr. Jip French’s old blind pony that his boys chased around the pasture and ran into fences.  But when he tried the animals out at a full-dress rehearsal the reverend discovered that he couldn’t use the pony because it was given to breaking wind, not very loudly, Momma said, but in near lethal concentrations.  So the reverend tried to get another pony but couldn’t and had to settle for Mr. Earl Jemison’s steely-grey hound, Mayhew, which was probably one of the biggest dogs in the county and which the reverend decided to transform into a camel by means of a couple of pillows and a brown rug.

Mayhew did not come easy, however.  Mr. Jemison accounted himself a respectable actor and he bargained relentlessly for the part of the voice of God, a part Mr. Jemison said he had always wanted to play.  Mr. Shelton had saved the voice of God for himself and he gave it up to Mr. Jemison with severe misgivings since he did not think God talked at all like Mr. Jemison, whose voice Daddy said could pass for an articulate doorhinge.  But the reverend had somehow convinced himself he was desperate for a camel and he wasn’t about to lose the services of Mr. Jemison’s dog.

Momma said she and Miss Mattie Gunn did not know just what to think when they entered a sanctuary entirely darkened except for three railroad lanterns hung here and there on a fairly legitimate-looking stable up by the altar.  And she said neither Miss Mattie nor herself noticed that the reverend had imported actual animals until the both of them caught a whiff of the chickens at about the same time.  Unfortunately Miss Mattie suffered from an allergy to feathers and her eyes immediately teared up so that she couldn’t see past the pew in front of her and Momma had to tell her just how everything looked.  Momma said the reverend and his committees had created a most impressive effect with just a few oven crates, some paint, a couple of bales of hay, a handful of livestock, and the accompanying barnyard aroma.  Momma said the reverend had strewn hay across the altar, set the stablefront on top of it, hung a few lanterns, tethered the goats, caught up the piglets and the chickens and the goose together in a wire corral, and left the ammonia to drift where it would.  Momma said she could have been out of doors for all she knew and every now and then she wished she was.

Momma did not know exactly when Miss Pettigrew made her entry into the sanctuary since the usher seated her a full two aisles over from Momma, who could hardly make out Miss Mattie as it was.  But she suspected Miss Pettigrew arrived just after the reverend had presented himself from a niche beneath the choir loft and come forward onto the altar to greet the congregation.  Along about then Momma heard a distinct buzzing off to her left that carried the length of the aisle and she said it was probably the sound of people asking each other if that was indeed Miss Pettigrew or telling each other it was indeed Aunt Willa, not because they could make out her features, not even because they could tell she was colored, but because even in the lanternlight they could detect the radical limp Aunt Willa got from being dropped onto a stone hearth as a baby.  And Momma said the usher and Miss Pettigrew and Aunt Willa advanced to the front pew with the noise of their passing advancing just behind them.  She said anybody knew whoever was with Aunt Willa had to be Miss Pettigrew.

She said the Virgin Mary, as played by Miss Alice Covens, seemed somewhat frightened of the goats and swung excessively wide of them on her way into the stable while Joseph, as played by Mr. Jeffrey Elwood Crawford Jr., lingered outside and delivered a little speech on starlight and poverty and the kindness of men.  He concluded to a very short burst of applause that lasted only as long as it took for Mrs. Crawford to get hold of her husband’s hands.  Then Joseph joined the Virgin Mary in the stable and the choir took over with Miss Dull’s arrangement of “O Little Town of Bethlehem.”  Mr. Jemison’s big scene followed the music and began with Reverend Shelton playing a flashlight beam onto the angel of the Lord, who was perched a little recklessly on the choir-loft banister.  But nothing happened right away, and Momma said the angel clung onto the railing and waited and the congregation waited and the Reverend Shelton coughed and cleared his throat until finally the voice of God exploded out of the darkness like a train whistle and nearly scared everybody to death.  Momma said Mr. Jemison told his angel where to go and what to do when he got there, and then the angel sort of saluted, she said, and threw himself off the banister, which caused the entire congregation to suck air.  But he was harnessed into  a system of ropes and pulleys, and after he swooped back into the railing once, he descended more or less without incident to a point just over the stable roof where he could hover and wait for the wise men.

The Reverend Shelton threw a switch that activated a bulb in a Moravian star suspended somewhere above the angel of the Lord and somewhere below the choir loft, and almost simultaneously the three kings from the orient came forward out of the narthex wearing everybody’s old upholstery and beards made from cotton swabs and crowns wrapped in aluminum foil.  One of them bore frankincense and another one bore both myrrh and gold since the one who was supposed to bear the gold had his hands full with the camel, who did not seem especially interested in witnessing the birth of the Christchild but showed a preference for sniffing shoetops along the aisle.  Miss Fay Dull led the choir in four verses of “We Three Kings,” which served to carry the gift-bearing wise men on up to the stable but broke off a minute or two before the one with camel had a chance to make the altar.  Only the angel of the Lord seemed at all perturbed by the delay, but then he had just grown somewhat harness-weary and thrashed around in an effort to relieve himself.

The baby Jesus had gotten born in the meantime and as the wise men closed in to adore him, the camel, who was supposed to be tethered up away from the goose and the piglets and the chickens and the goats, got loose into the back of the stable and sprawled on the hay where he licked himself through the better part of Miss Dull’s solo performance of “Away in a Manger.”  Then came time for reverend Shelton to read a passage from the Book of Matthew, and Momma said that’s when the trouble started.  When the reverend turned on his pulpit lamp so as to see the Bible, considerable light was thrown onto the front edge of the congregation, and best as Momma could figure it the Virgin Mary, who had the Christchild in her arms and was flanked all around by Joseph and the wise men, looked up long enough to get an eyeful of a colored woman in the front pew, which would have been a rarity in any pew, and then she looked again and saw it was Aunt Willa and since she knew wherever Aunt Willa went Miss Pettigrew might be, she looked off beside Aunt Willa and found Miss Pettigrew herself, who had already become a kind of local spook.

Momma said the sight of Miss Pettigrew must have simply shocked the Virgin Mary and in her agitation she lost her grip on the baby Jesus and dropped him onto the edge of the manger, where his porcelain head got jarred loose from the rest of him and fell onto the hay next to one of the goats, and Momma said the sound of the baby Jesus’ head hitting the floor startled the one goat, who bucked into the other one who lunged the length of his tether and jolted one of the lanterns off its peg, and Momma said when it hit the floor the glass chimney broke and the hay caught fire.  The wise men bolted off in one direction, Joseph cleared out in the other, and the Virgin Mary crept backwards into the stable with her hands over her mouth until she stepped on the camel’s hindquarters, which caused him to jump to his feet and start barking.  By this time the angel of the Lord figured things had pretty much fallen to pieces and he set up a fuss to be hauled in right away; he said the harness was making his legs blue.  But Momma said he was left to dangle over the stable while two baritones came down out of the choir loft and smothered the flames with their robes before going to the assistance of the Virgin Mary, who had momentarily lost her wits.  In a matter of minutes everything was back to order except for the camel who continued to bark and make threatening noises, but he cowed immediately when the voice of God shouted down from the rafters, “Mayhew, shut up!”

Momma said some one of the ushers finally showed the great good sense to turn the sanctuary lights up and everybody along the left aisle leapt bolt upright to see if that was indeed Miss Pettigrew in the company of Aunt Willa in the front row, and when they found out that yes, it was, they told the people beside them who told the people beside them who told the people beside them and the news shot through the sanctuary like electricity.  Momma said nobody seemed to care that the reverend’s Christmas pageant had nearly burned the church down or that the reverend himself had fallen into a faint behind the pulpit or that the angel of the Lord had commenced to wail and sob and say how doctors would have to cut his legs off with a handsaw if somebody didn’t draw him into the choir loft straightaway.  She said all people wanted to do was look at Miss Pettigrew since they’d been without the chance to in nearly a decade and didn’t know when the opportunity might present itself again.  So everybody stood up, she said, and looked.  Aunt Willa helped Miss Pettigrew off the pew, and Momma said she tried to lead her on out of the sanctuary but Miss Pettigrew held up and faced the congregation, not seeming at all mysterious or tainted or stern, but just a little wilted and sheepish and fairly human.

Momma said Aunt Willa’s cheeks were all puffy and swollen and her gums obviously gave her some pain when she snatched at Miss Pettigrew’s elbow and said, “Come on h’yer,” but Miss Pettigrew just stood where she was and worked her lips as if she might say something, as if she might say hello.  Momma said folks looked at each other and looked at Miss Pettigrew and looked at each other again until Miss Pettigrew finally opened her mouth and said nothing whatsoever.

Then Aunt Willa took her by the elbow.  “Come on h’yer Miss Pettigrew,” she said.  “Come on h’yer to home.”  And Momma said this time Miss Pettigrew let Aunt Willa have her way and everybody watched them down the aisle, watched them into the narthex, watched them even after the angel of the Lord unhooked himself from the rope and fell through the stable roof."

***An excerpt from an absolutely hilarious book by:  Pearson, T. R. A Short History of a Small Place. New York: Ballantine Books, a division of Random House, Inc., 1985.

Hymns versus praise songs

Not long ago a farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. "Well," said the farmer, "It was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns."

"Praise choruses," said his wife, "What are those?"

"Oh, they're okay. They're sort of like hymns, only different," said the farmer.

""Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.

The farmer said, "Well it's like this - If I were to say to you:

`Martha, the cows are in the corn,' well that would be a hymn. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

`Martha Martha, Martha, Oh, Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA,
the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows,
the white cows, the black and white cows,
the COWS, COWS, COWS are in the corn,
are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn,
the CORN, CORN, CORN,'

Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well that would be a praise chorus."

**********************************************************************************

A young, new Christian from the big city attended the small town church one weekend. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.

"Well," said the young man, "It was good. They did something different, however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs."

"Hymns," said his wife, "What are those?"

"Oh, they're okay. They're sort of like regular songs, only different," said the young man.

"Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.

The young man said, "Well it's like this - If I were to say to you, `Martha, the cows are in the corn,' well that would be a regular song. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry
Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth.
Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by
To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.

For the way of the animals who can explain
There in their heads is no shadow of sense,
Hearkenest they in God's sun or his rain
Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced.

Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight,
Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed.

So look to that bright shining day by and by,
Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn.
Where no vicious animal makes my soul cry
And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.

Then, if I were to do only verses one, three, and four and do a key change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn."

(author unknown - from an email circulated a few years ago)

For my daughter and her crazy cat:

...and now for your viewing pleasure...something silly but fun...

http://www.tvland.com/shows/andy-griffith-show/full-episodes/christmas-story?xrs=share_copy

Show and tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.

The first child got in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin.  I'm Jewish and this is the Star of David."

The second child got in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary.  I'm Catholic and this is the Crucifix."

The third child got in front of the class and said, " My name is Tommy.  I'm Evangelical and this is a casserole."

Just wondering ...

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

How do you get off a nonstop flight?

If you're not supposed to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Is there another word for synonym?

Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldn't it be easier to just hire taller dancers?

Bibles for sale

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at the next Sunday services, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie, a local farmer, who always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.

Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles, and asked them to report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, “Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?”

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, “I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here’s the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.”

“Fine job, Jack!” The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. “You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you.”

Turning to Paul, “And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?”

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, replied, “I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s $280 I collected.”

The minister responded, “That’s absolutely wonderful, Paul. You are truly a great salesman and the church is indebted to you.”

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, “And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?” Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. “What is this?” the minister exclaimed. “Louie, there’s $3200 in here.  You sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?”

Louie just nodded.

“That’s impossible!” both Jack and Paul said in unison.

“Yes, this does seem unlikely,” the minister agreed. “I think you’d better explain how you managed this, Louie.”

Louie shrugged.. “I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,” he stammered.  "A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was, w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks—o-o-o-or— wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?”

Visitation

One sunny Sunday afternoon, two young church members were going door to door inviting people to visit their services. When they knocked on one door, however, it became immediately clear that the woman who answered was not happy to see them.

She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear what they had to say and slammed the door in their faces.

But to her surprise, the door did not close; in fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really putting her back into it, and slammed it again with the same result — the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their feet in her door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then one of them said quietly: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you really need to move your cat."

All wound up

A preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

He moved to one side of the platform, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again and moving to the other side.  Back and forth he went, getting more and more tangled up.

After several more circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Laurel and Hardy

Fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6O9FB90kAU&feature=related

Church bulletin bloopers - 2

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson's sermons.

A worm welcome to all who have come today.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the congregation.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

"The female factor"

For my husband, who always refers to this sort of thing as "the female factor" — that, when planning a trip, you must factor in 20 extra minutes per female.  And he should know, since he's lived in a houseful of females for years.  Not only has he had to factor in me, but also our two daughters.  In fact, even our dog and cat are females.  Ha!  Sorry, hon. :)  And Happy Anniversary!

Singers

Q:  How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye?

A:  Shine a flashlight in her ear.


Q:  What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?

A:  You can negotiate with a terrorist.


Q:  How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:  Four — one to climb the ladder and three others to complain how high it is.


Q:  How many tenors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:  One.  He just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.


Q:  How do you know when there's a singer at the door?

A:  He has the wrong key and has to be told when to come in.