Directions, please

I don't think it's entirely fair that my daughter called for directions before I was even officially lost this time. After all, I was in the general vicinity and basically knew where I was ... kind of. I just needed a few more minutes and I would have found my way just fine.

You see, I had to take my youngest daughter to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) this morning so that she could get the official ID card she needed to start working when she turns 16 next month. I had general directions on how to get there and, really, I only passed the place once — okay, twice. But as it turned out, my daughter could not describe where we were well enough to get directions anyway, and I did find my way just fine. So there!

That hasn't always been the case, however. The sad truth is, I'm directionally challenged. I need detailed, and I mean detailed, directions with maps and pictures and landmarks and anything else you can possibly think of to tell me to help me find my way. But whatever you do, don't give me east, west, north, or south — just right and left, please. And ummm, can you also please write out separate directions for how to get there AND how to get back home? Sometimes I get really confused reading your directions upside-down and backwards when I leave.

I'll never forget the time, about 20 years ago now I think, when I was supposed to drive my boss to the airport — no problem! Of course he was in the car giving directions. But finding my way back to work? Well, that's quite another story. I went 20 miles north instead of 10 miles west (or so I was told). So I called my husband to ask him how to get back to work. I remember him asking me, "Where are you?" and "How in the world did you get there?" (I seem to recall him laughing too — the bum.) Anyway, I told him I didn't know. And besides, if I did know, I could find my way back, right? Well ... maybe. But all ended well. With his help, I eventually made my way back.

Then there was last Christmas season. Our church always has two Christmas concerts on Saturdays during concert week, and since there's quite a lull between them, my husband and daughter(s) usually come out early and we go out for a quick bite before I sing and they attend the second concert. Well, there was about 1/2 hour before I expected them, so I decided to run out to the store and pick up a few Christmas stocking stuffers. And, you guessed it. I got lost. Now I really don't know how I did that one because I know that area very well. But after my husband called my cell phone asking where in the world I was this time and talking me back, we didn't have enough time to go out. Oh well, I wasn't hungry anyway, and my husband and daughter didn't complain ... too much.

I really don't know what it is. My husband assures me I'm not stupid. So it must be that I have a kink or short circuit somewhere when it comes to directions. I guess I can live with that. I have so far.

I'm just afraid that one of these days I'm going to get lost going from the living room to the kitchen.